Alright!! How ya doin’!?!?! LET ME HEAR YOU!!! Alright, I wanna tell you that’s it great to be blogging for you here in *insert name of your home town/city*. You know, last night I was blogging in *insert name of local rival town/city 30-50 miles away* and they were telling me that *insert name of local rival town/city 30-50 miles away* was the Rock & Roll Capital of *insert name of your county/region/country*. Is that right???
I CAN’T HEAR YOU!!!
I CAN’T HEAR YOU!!!
I CAN’T HEAR YOU!!!
Alright, we’re gonna do a number now for all you girls out there who are sweet sixteen. HOW MANY OF YOU GIRLS OUT THERE ARE SWEET SIXTEEN?? We haven’t played this song in a long time and before we do, I wanna tell you that Gene wrote this song back in 1977 when you know it was kinda ok for a sweaty guy nudging 30, wearing make-up and a leather codpiece, to sing about being overcome with lust for a 16-year old girl he’d just seen coming out of her school. Carter was in the White House people, let’s not forget. Alright Gene, take it way!
*throws guitar picks into internet*
You might laugh, but look at the recent comments on No Remorse. Still, they’re technically ‘legal’, right?
I’ll get me coat…
Well I think it’s sweet. You should be mentoring her, BA, putting a metaphorical arm round her and gently introducing her to the world of metal. That’s what Gene Simmons would do. Apart from the “metaphorical” bit.
Hey, as someone who went all the way to Castle Donington, Engerland as recently as last year to see the mighty KISS in concert, I would just like to say;
“I don’t usually say things like this to girls your age, but when I saw you coming out of the school that day, that day I knew, I knew, I’ve got to have you, I’ve got to have you.
She’s been around, but she’s young and clean
I’ve got to have her, can’t live without her, whoo no
Christine sixteen, Christine sixteen”
Aah, that’s better. Next week, tune in for ‘Baby Fat’ by Wet Willie, right here in the nineteen seventies.
I don’t know if you’re aware of a single by WASP called Live Animal (Fuck Like a Beast), but it’s one of the worst things ever commited to vinyl. It’s a live version of a WASP track called Animal (Fuck Like a Beast), which, as you can guess is a lilting ballad telling of lost love. Not.
The intro to the song involves WASP’s singer, Blackie Lawless (up there with other thicko hair metal turds like Tommy Lee and Brett Michaels) asking the audience if they came to the gig to “look for some puuuuussy?! I say-ed ‘Did you guys come here to look for some puuuuuuussy tooo-niiiite?!’” Completely oblivious to the fact that the audience for any WASP gig would almost entirely be made up of males. And if there were any ladies present I doubt if the average WASP fan would know what to do with one.
Lawless did redeem himself somewhat with me though. He used to have a codpiece with protruding chainsaw for stage use. It was also equipped with a firework for added spectacle. One night he had a blowback and burnt his meat and two veg. Apparently from his hospital bed he said “If we knew how to write better songs I wouldn’t need to do this shit.” Brilliant.
Mr H,
I like Kiss, and this post came from me watching the Kissology DVD and listening to bootlegs and realising that Paul Stanley’s stage banter can be a bit, well, formulaic (I even have a bootleg from 1980 or so which has him asking an audience in Auckland whether or not they’re the Rock & Roll Capital of New Zealand).
BA,
I sure do remember W.A.S.P. In fact, I remember the look of bewildered disgust on my Dad’s face when he saw my issue of Kerrang! back in 1983 or 84 with Blackie Lawless holding aloft Hamlet-style a plastic skull covered in red food colouring (there wasn’t so much a generation gap in my house as a generation chasm).
I thought there was more than a whiff of desperation about W.A.S.P. Like Twisted Sister and Manowar, they’d been around the block a few times by the time they got their chance, but at least Dee Snider had a sense of humour. You’re spot on about the stage banter too.
Don’t diss WASP. They rule and you all suck if you don’t like WASP. Saw them in Glesgae as recently as 2007 and if the sight of Blackie Lawlesses mike stand doesn’t make you flip two handfuls of horns, then you are nothing more than a big jessie.
Or Italian.
Or both.
True metal fans NEVER ‘flip two handfuls of horns’. That kind of behaviour’s for teenage American boys with a Korn fixation.
True metal fans are too busy headbanging to ‘flip two handfuls of horns’.
Wasn’t there some kind of mystery as to what WASP stood for? We Are Satan’s People or We Are Sexual Perverts being the two front-runners. Personally, I think it stands for We Are Stupid Pricks. Especially after that wank Who cover they did. And Mean Man.
W.A.S.P. were rubbish. Rubbish! A poor man’s Motley Crue, and you don’t get much poorer than that.*
*Maybe Poison
Classic rock is all rubbish….so rubbish, in fact, that nobody dare speak of how rubbish it actually is, least of all those who paid hard, cold cash for the bastard first hand. The same applies to modern rock too, by the way…And anything that actually brings joy to peoples lives…it’s all SHIT, and you’re a SHIT. SHIT.
I HATE YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
See what happens when Blackie Lawless shows up in the audience at a comedy gig:
Dave,
I’m worried. Normally when you make a comment like that, the time on the comment is after the pubs close. Not that one though. I now have this vision of you sitting at home bulling down Bulgarian Country Wine and it won’t go away.
B.A.
I’m not sure about Bill Hicks. W.A.S.P. gigs were comedy gigs at the end of the day though weren’t they? Though not as good as Thor, who used to blow up hot water bottles on stage. That was class.
This thread is turning into “80s Metal Memories” isn’t it?
W.A.S.P were rubbish, like wot Thumper says. I’ve nothing else to say on this subject; just that they were rubbish.
Thank you for giving me this opportunity.
W.A.S.P were the rough kids STRYPER.
Weren’t Stryper the Scripture Union kids’ W.A.S.P.?
Well, by majority vote I think we’ve established that W.A.S.P. were rubbish. BA, Napoleon and myself all said they were rubbish, while Dave compared them to Stryper, which is even worse.
Next up we’ll be discussing the question: “Brian Johnston AC/DC: shite or what?”
You gents must be fighting the ladies away left and right with talk like this. W.A.S.P., Stryper, AC/DC*… whoooo boy. Please don’t export these hot pick up lines to American men or… wait… 34 year old boys already have these? Oh, shit.
*OK, I take AC/DC back. Good shit, that.
Daphne – It’s just lucky that your side of the gender has tits ‘n’ ass. Imagine how difficult it would be for your lot to get men if all you had to offer us was an endless stream of nagging and moaning + claptrap conversations revolving around shopping and celebrities?
Works both ways, see?
You know, actually Daphne may have a point, bloody soak that she is. This post has ended up being one for the guys really. I will attempt to remedy that with my next post, which will be The Earl of Hell’s Waistcoat Women’s Section, complete with recipes, beauty tips, celebrity gossip and even a horoscope, assuming I can find those nudie tarot cards I keep hidden in my copy of “Master of Reality”.
I don’t suppose there’ll be boobs, will there?
*crosses fingers for boobs*
Oh … hang on a minute, Thumps …
What? You can get what?
Well I’ll be! Apparently, you can get all the boobs you want on this internet thing. How come nobody told me?
I say ‘no’ to a women’s section? Why can’t we talk about the Tygers of Pan Tang guilt free?
Let them talk about knitting, period pains, George Clooney and homebaking elsewhere. It’s not my fault the women folk don’t appreciate shite ‘music’. Apart from Penny Rushin, of course.
The Tygers of Pan Tang were great, but only up until they got that Welsh fella into sing and started doing Shakin Stevens cover versions.
And haven’t the wimmin folk got enough to be getting on with, what with the cooking, cleaning and scrubbing, without getting into this internet thing.
If they want to be on the internet, they should just do porn like all the other ladies.
Beano Johnson – not as good as Bon in 1980, but then Bon had only been dead for 6 months. Beano is probably better now, what the decomposition. Which was nice of me to remind you of, what with it being the anniversary of Bons death being today.
A proper Scotch death, as befits wan ae oors. Choking on your own whisky flavoured vomit. I wish….
Never a big fan of the Tygers, though I did like “Making Tracks” and their cover of “Love Potion No. 9″ was fun. They were rare among NWOBHM in that their albums tended to have decent cover artwork.
Didn’t know it was Bon’s death today. There’s no comparison between him and Johnston. He was a better singer and he had a louche sense of humour. And you could imagine him doing the things he sung about. Johnston comes across as a 13-year old school boy.
While we have all heard stories that the United States has 200 years worth of coal in reserves, some recent analyses suggest that this estimate is very much overstated, and that coal production may also decline in a few years. ,