Hello there, well we’re coming to the end of another year here at The Earl of Hell’s Waistcoat, which means that I am obliged to ask for feedback on my performance ahead of my annual review. While I appreciate that you’re all busy folk, I’m hoping that you’ll take a minute or two out of your busy schedule to give me some quality and candid 360 degrees feedback that will enable me to maximise my performance next year. The Feedback Form is the same as always and is below:
THE EARL OF HELL’S WAISTCOAT FEEDBACK FORM
FULL NAME: Thumper Charles Edward Stuart Plowman
OVERALL APPRAISAL (What has this person delivered? Is he/she ready to take on additional resposnsibilities? Or should his/her next assignment involve shopping trolleys, the car park and a fluorescent bib?)
…………………………………………………………………………………………………….
…………………………………………………………………………………………………….
…………………………………………………………………………………………………….
…………………………………………………………………………………………………….
A) STRENGTHS: What are his/her 1-2 Key Strengths? (What would you like to see more of from this person? Cheap Nostalgia? Stripping Italian Housewives?)
……………………………………………………………………………………………………..
……………………………………………………………………………………………………..
……………………………………………………………………………………………………..
B) IMPROVEMENT AREA: What is the one thing this person could do to Maximise their Effectiveness? (Stop all that “Over here in Italy…” muck? Remove Mr. H’s blogs from the Blogroll?)
……………………………………………………………………………………………………..
……………………………………………………………………………………………………..
……………………………………………………………………………………………………..
Thanks for taking the time, and remember, for me all Feedback is a gift. And not a Hai Karate Body Talc and After Shave Gift, I mean a proper, Oddbins gift voucher gift.
OVERALL APPRAISAL
What has this person delivered? – Pizza
Is he/she ready to take on additional resposnsibilities? –
Perhaps some chicken strippers and / or dough balls. Definitely a spelling course. (resposnsibilities)
Should his/her next assignment involve shopping trolleys, the car park and a fluorescent bib?) – let’s not walk before we can run, eh.
A) STRENGTHS:
What are his/her 1-2 Key Strengths? – frippery, finagling and fancy-danning.
What would you like to see more of from this person? – More cheap nostalgia and stripping Italian housewives, please. And no anchovies on my pizza. Fish on a pizza! There ought to be a law.
B) IMPROVEMENT AREA: What is the one thing this person could do to Maximise their Effectiveness?
Definitely stop all that “Over here in Italy…” muck and probably remove Mr. H’s blogs from the Blogroll.
Excellent, that is truly quality feedback: concise, candid and full of cheap shots masquerading as insights.
Luckily, over here in Italy, there are lots of training courses available in frippery, fancy danning and advanced gadding about. In fact, based on your feedback I’m going to ask to be enrolled in “Seven Habits of Highly Effective Rayban-Wearing Mummy’s Boys” immediately.
GRAZIE MILLE!
Oh no, your not going to get me to fill any questions. Thats how they got Harold Shipman.
I know, he should never have put “To be the Vengeful Wrath of God” in the Career Interests section.
Gaaa, you Europeans and you’re fancy performance appraisals…
OVERALL:
What has this person delivered?
- Ill-timed and second-rate stand up comedy.
Is he/she ready to take on additional responsibilities?
- If you mean, should he move out of his mom’s basement? Yes. But only after he turns 18. I think that there are laws against 15-year-olds being out on their own.
Should his/her next assignment involve shopping trolleys, the car park and a fluorescent bib?
- I never understand what you foreigners are saying.
A) STRENGTHS:
What are his/her 1-2 Key Strengths?
- Talking with his mouth full, dripping sarcasm and matching those little colored blocks with the hole in the same shape.
What would you like to see more of from this person?
- Clothing. Or invest in some curtains. Good lord man, we don’t all want to see that.
B) IMPROVEMENT AREA: What is the one thing this person could do to Maximise their Effectiveness?
- Take a little off the top but leave the sideburns.
Where have you been, you bloody soak? I was expecting quality, actionable feedback from somebody with your lah-di-dah Marketing skills, but this stuff is all over the place!
The shopping trolleys/car parks/fluorescent bib refers to the type of job given to eldery citizens by Supermarkets in the UK in order to, well, pretty much humiliate them I guess. You of course, don’t do this sort of thing in the US; you just put a “How May I Help You?” Waistcoat on them and stick ‘em at the front door at Wal-Mart.
Oh, here, there, everywhere. I’m busy using my high fah-loo-tin marketing skills at work and in meetings. Actually used the phrase “let’s do a customer lifetime value analysis on that to see if it pays off or if we should stop offering it.” Geez, I sounded wicked smart.
Don’t ask for feedback if you don’t want to hear the truth about your performance.
Isn’t it about time you did some work, you lazy skiving Eyetie, instead of asking for a review of the work you didn’t do last year.
Daphne,
I’m trying to think if your “customer lifetime value analysis” phrase trumps my recent “we need to align on the best disruptive technology lead to fill our innovation pipeline”. Yes, I think it does.
*Waits for Daphne to make crude comment about filling his innovation pipeline*
Mr H,
You can’t call the Eyeties Eyeties any more, not since we joined the Common Market. It’s considered rude and boorish; not that I’d expect anything better from a peely-wally pasty-faced Jock Brewhead.
Look here Wopalong McCassidy, don’t come all bloody PC with me, or I’ll gfrab you by your manbag and kick you right in the Vespas. Git.
How the devil did he know about the manbag?
It’s been all over the telly back here in Scotchland on “I’m A Workshy Noncified Layabout, Get Me To Italy”. You’re a star turn on it.
Having just dropped by on account of your familiarity with North Sea coast boozers frequented by cash laden Danish fishermen…
…I would have to say that any blog benefits from cheap nostalgia or indeed Italian housewife strippers if you must
Jimmy, there are plenty of stripping Italian housewives in the sizzling steamy post below:
http://theearlofhellswaistcoat.wordpress.com/2008/09/28/thumpers-hot-club-stripping-italian-housewives/
It could be NSFW. Depends what your work is, I guess. If you’re a Danish Fisherman it should probably be ok.
Aha now I know the stuff which that German quiz show from the early nineties ‘Tutti Fruitti’ was based on!
Wunderbar!
As for those Danish fishermen I’d say they were extra-blue when it came to the quality of film on their betamax